Thursday, June 29, 2006

Day 6 : The Goodbye

She came to me in the night,
And I started to shed my light,
I told her I’ll take the darkness away,
And I’ll be here night and day.

I wasn’t clear as to how she would be,
The glory of her face shone as though on me.
Days went by; weeks brought me closer.
Till it came to me her intentions neither;
Lover nor foe.
A friend was I from head to toe.

She departs soon into the mist,
And memoirs of my thoughts and feelings,
Will be strewn across the skies whilst;
I turn to another in hopes of healing.

Farewell I bid you.

Listen to this:
1) Padi – Semua Tak Sama
2) John Mayer – Clarity
3) Chris Holmes – Friends
4) Jennifer Love Hewitt – Take My Heart Back
5) Rachel Yamagata – The Reason Why

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.

Day 5 : Love Investing

It began with the reminiscence of the past, I was reminded of how I used to feel for the ladies I was either infatuated by or liked. It all seemed that time after time I fell for women who had their hearts taken, their dreams already shared and their love held by another’s hand.

It’s like investments. The girls I go after dare not risk letting go of what they are already holding on to. Risk aversion plays a determinable role in their selection. I have no one to blame for the circumstance for if I were in their part I wouldn’t say I’d do it. Girls being the investors, and guys being the stocks, would provide for a better understanding.

In this light, investors having to own their stocks would preferably maintain their current ‘value’ stock, which pays out dividends and provides for greater returns. ‘Growth stocks’ (i.e. me that is) would defer from those attributes of the value stocks. As growth stocks are generally new to the market, they do not provide for the dividends and payouts. Investors who often see growth stocks are reluctant, with one thing in mind; the possibility for future earnings. Maintaining a stock in the current market is already hard enough, what more to say to discard the stock completely and jump into something new altogether.

However, growth stocks do provide also for future earnings. Not anytime in the near future, but one cannot be certain of how a growth stock might perform in current market conditions. Unsystematic risks often outside the control of investors would be playing a major role in ensuring the performance of a stock. This is an area which could eventually souse an investor in losses.

On the other end of the spectrum, growth stocks, if given the proper maintenance and right investments along with a proper diversified portfolio could perform beyond the expectations of investors. Remarkably too I must concur.

When all this is drawn down, it comes down to how credible an IPO can be, and how risk averse an investor is. As risks escalates so does the returns. The concept is applicable to the IPO’s as well for when an IPO is carefully drawn out and provides for the ramifications an investor might require, ambiguity is removed. Maintenance of the investor-company (the company which made the initial IPO) relationship is vital. There will always be someone who losses and someone who wins in every situation. Tolerance and patience determines how successful both investor and stock will be.

And when all this comes to love investing, the ideal ingredient is love itself.

Listen to this:
1) Rooster – Deep and Meaningless
2) Lou Barlow – Legendary
3) Staind – Right Here
4) Ben Jelen – Come On
5) Bernard Fanning – Shelter For My Soul

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Day 4 : Secret Love

I hid my love when young till I
Couldn’t bear the buzzing of a fly;
I hid my life to my despite
Till I could not bear to look at light:
I dare not gaze upon her face
But left her memory in each place;
Where’er I saw a wild flower lie
I kissed and bade my love good-bye.

I met her in the greenest dells,
Where dewdrops pearl the wood bluebells;
The lost breeze kissed her dark brown eye,
The bee kissed and went singing bye,
A sunbeam found a passage there,
A gold chain round her neck so fair;
As secret as the wild bee’s song
She lay there all the holiday long.

I hid my love in field and town
Till e’en the breeze would knock me down;
The bees seemed singing ballads o’er,
The fly’s bass turned a lion’s roar;
And even silence found a tongue,
To haunt me all summer long;
The riddle nature could not prove
Was nothing else but secret love.

Secret Love – John Clarke

Listen to this:
1) Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here
2) Rie Fu – Life Is A Boat
3) Brooke Fraser – Arithmetic
4) Brian McFadden & Delta Goodrem – Almost Here
5) Building 429 – No One Else Knows

You will remain as my secret love, without knowledge of anyone. I will miss your fair lips and you being so self-absorbing. Maybe it’s been complacency, maybe it’s been true. The most difficult part is not being able to tell you. But I know I don’t want to dither no more.

In spite of my wishes to explain myself and to want to believe in the expression of words I must say this: ‘Language has not the power to speak what love indites: The soul lies buried in the ink that writes.’

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Day 3 : Living Symbiotically

Today’s world puts forth the harsh reality often expressed by the saying, “The rich gets richer, and the poor gets poorer.” Observations thus far if I may be as bold as to say have not taken us anywhere in spite of all the ‘chats’ to reduce disparities amongst the citizens of today. Each nation works for its own and in its own light, always putting a national interest as its first priority.

We as the people, often comforted by the thought of our governments making the best decisions haven’t in actual fact grasped the bigger picture, being our world living symbiotically with each other. Asian countries have boomed over the past two decades making immense progress in all areas and at the same time having to ensure that social and economical growth remains constant to the growth. But as much as this has been productivity, it still lacks the extra edge in making several nations in Asia, first world countries. African nations, lack the funding and support ever since day 1. First world countries speak of assisting them in their efforts to curb the spread of diseases, to increase the standard of living but time and time again, news presents to us that these have only increased by a mere level. Conditions have never been more alarming.

The relentless efforts provided by first world nations in assisting the growth is not taken for granted, however, other nations should make it their nation’s interest as well. As it is, our world today has not been more fragile than it already is. A continuum of the drama fiesta occurs in the Middle East, the poverty amongst the third world countries making little progress, the social and cultural preferences causing all the division amongst ourselves, happen to be the slightest of exposition. And I haven’t even breached the many other issues we throw at ourselves so inexorably.

Can we not put our differences aside, leave history and the past to its own demeanor? Why not look forward? Leave the war, leave the killing. Enough damage has already been done. Think about the lives of all those who’s loved ones have been taken away from them, much too sooner. We, in Malaysia, are particularly lucky and blessed to not have these bitter occurrences displayed amongst us. It also doesn’t mean we should be complacent with our daily lives and live in ignorance.

I do not doubt the budget allocation of a nation for its defenses against the terror that might and could happen, however, to allocate a budget in the creation of weapons of mass destruction directed towards another, that I cannot and will not tolerate. Drawn down to the basis of matters, weapons were used to fight against enemies. The real question of our demeanor when ever a weapon or a decision to use a weapon is pondered upon should not be of what the opposition has done but rather who the real enemies are in the situation? Do these enemies really pose a threat to us? They too remain human and like us have feelings of defending their perceptions. But let’s try something new, let’s disarm ourselves and come to the bargaining table without prejudice without prejudgment. And for one, terrorism should not be made an overstatement as constantly as it has been over the past few years.

Religion no matter of what sort, teaches us to maintain peace among not only our own people of faith but that of others as well. Why is it so difficult to work on the commonalities? Where are the transparencies so frequently spoken about? The core of our beliefs has taken us that far, why not work at it? More importantly live it. I salute all those who have been working for the common good of the world, for the importance of lives and not the decisions to take them away. Your tireless efforts have not gone to waste, for alongside many others for fight for peace in their different ways; I too take notice and am proud to express my gratitude to you and make statements in the light of your works.

Good people of the world, as I have mentioned our world is fragile, no one man is above the rest. We are a world living in desperate times, and as much as desperate times would normally require the conduct of desperate measures, we should always remember to first reach out for peace and have peace being the only matter on our minds. As much as this is easy to say and difficult to do, we should always, always never give up on our hopes. Have faith in the faithless for it brings out the best in people. If life itself was ever easy none of these issues we have today would ever be brought up. A utopia would have already existed. Reality tells us no, so we dear readers, and most crucial of all, citizens of the world should make it our personal agenda in growing and living in the light of peace.

With peace on our minds, hopes persistent in our beings, faith imbued in us, and finally the love of our neighbors shown through our actions and our lives, maybe then can we truly enjoy the symbiotic progress, as people of this good earth, we are in so dire need of.


Listen to this:
1) Goo Goo Dolls – Better Days
2) Building 429 – The Space In Between Us
3) Carrie Underwood – Whenever You Remember
4) Jars of Clay – The Eleventh Hour
5) Natalie Grant – Held

Your actions remain so confusingly advertised. I have no idea as to whether I should or could have these feelings continual, but the subject matter I believe, shouldn’t be about my feelings but rather yours. So drawn am I to this attraction it causes an endless progression of hoping, thus I shall go on and dedicate the song ‘If You Leave’ for your thoughts and listening pleasure.

I’m going with it, for I’ve learnt over the past few weeks, you’re a great girl, and though at times a little self-absorbing, I’ll only be an extra burden and I’ve been fooling myself thinking this would be easy. But who knows maybe one day we’ll be perfect for each other.

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Day 2 : Premeditated Delirium

How are things so blatant and at the same time so confusing? Pretext of my words have often caused myself to be placed in positions I've agreed not to be in, well at least for the next few years, to my recollection that is. However, the fact of wanting and needing often fills me constantly. The dire proclivities have never left me thus far.

Maybe it's a day in day out scenario, when you meet the person countless times, there it creates a particular comfort between the two persons. This progresses on to having thoughts about certain futures, the complicating part, having to picture the person in it, beautifully. Maybe it's a guy thing, I for one am not sure about how often these occurences happen around the world, but I feel as though I'd like to have the feeling reciprocated, and the worst part about it, is that I think it is. Actions on both parts takes me so eloquently to these thoughts, these futures seen only through my eyes.

Time and time again, I question my acts, I question my thoughts. Are they erroneous? How am I not being able to control these influx of feelings? Are they true feelings? Or is it all just friendly banter? Would things progress?

I have been throwing myself at the wrong 'right ones' one too many times. Hurt, either through my own proceedings or by cause of 'the right one'. As difficult as it may seem, I am truly glad that I've managed to pull through after all this time. But then again, would it be the simple fact that I've been deprived of the chances that would come prior to companionship? I strongly do not believe that I falter too fast, or choose the wrong people. Time and time again, circumstances have always been my arch-enemy. You search for the exact opportune moment, time it, go with it, chances are things always work out. Not in my scenario.

You know, my dear readers, the hardest part about it is that, I feel prohibited. After all that I've said and done, in many ways I've construed myself to a prison. People would always have to say and I would admit, that my expectations have hit the roof. It's never a trivial matter seeing someone you have feelings for come and go, you want to care for her, but you don't know if she would want that. 'Friendship' draws a thin line.

I would never know if I would be the eventual winner if I perservere through the times and be patient with this someone, having circumstance alongside, but I sincerely and honestly can only hope and have faith that the Good Lord grants me grace and the strength, and most crucial of all to have love generated for the right reasons. I'd pray these premeditated deliriums be not a part of me.


Listen to this:
1) John Mayer - Comfortable
2) Fuel - Falls On Me
3) Lenny Kravits - Again
4) Nada Surf - If You Leave
5) Ben Harper - Waiting On An Angel


You stay beautiful Kuching. Live your dreams.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Day 1: Roots and Wings defined

Ah yes, the first of many postings that I'll make. And to the dearest of my readers, this initiates the second blog of mine.But allow me to first speak of the title, "Roots and Wings".

In our daily lives we are given choices, choices which we sometimes abuse, choices which we sometimes take for granted, choices which at times lifts us up. More importantly in this context,would be that our decisions on the choices we make come with consequences. Some allowing us smooth sailing all throughout the horizon, and some difficult to swallow spiked on every end. I may be stating the obvious, but as previously mentioned, the choices we make are often made an overstatement.

Roots and Wings presents a phase in my life I am going through. While I was in Dunedin, I happened to come to terms with missing home, my friends and more importantly bringing me to a different level of understanding the surreal and then coming to face the brutal and bitter side of reality.

My roots are here in Kuching, the beautiful city where I've learn to love, appreciate, hate, but more importantly had memories in. Coming home was probably one of my greatest achievements, where I can finally stand up to what I want what I left behind so immaturely. After all this time of dodging the harsh reality of my actions, I'm here to face them and I must add it was never in my intentions to return. New Zealand was to be my home, my new sanctuary. Life, I thought, was about starting anew, Dunedin was my focal point of starting anew. This would then lead on to my wings, and in Dunedin, I was brought to realisation that I could actually make my dreams come true. The birth of my wings was beyond reasonable doubt, and thus the new stage in life and a new dilemma, a choice between that of the roots or the wings. One cannot have both, one must make a choice. What makes me tremble, and stirs my gut is not so much the choice but rather the consequences and having to ask myself every moment, "Why the decision?".

We have no means of knowing what the future may present to us, but what we can do is make the best decisions possible with the information at hand.

As frivolous as it may seem to some, this blog provides me with a channel of expression and thoughts, like how millions are doing. It allows freedom beyond boundaries, something not quite applicable especially in a developing nation, Malaysia.

Listen to this
1) Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me
2) Live - Lightning Crashes
3) Evanescence - Breathe No More
4) Rihanna - Unfaithful
5) Coldplay - Sparks

I leave this post with one thing on my mind at present. How long it'll linger, I don't know, how fast will it go away, I cannot control - Angeline. You clear and present, the rest undefined, and if I were to state further, things would be bias.

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.