Day 2 : Premeditated Delirium
How are things so blatant and at the same time so confusing? Pretext of my words have often caused myself to be placed in positions I've agreed not to be in, well at least for the next few years, to my recollection that is. However, the fact of wanting and needing often fills me constantly. The dire proclivities have never left me thus far.
Maybe it's a day in day out scenario, when you meet the person countless times, there it creates a particular comfort between the two persons. This progresses on to having thoughts about certain futures, the complicating part, having to picture the person in it, beautifully. Maybe it's a guy thing, I for one am not sure about how often these occurences happen around the world, but I feel as though I'd like to have the feeling reciprocated, and the worst part about it, is that I think it is. Actions on both parts takes me so eloquently to these thoughts, these futures seen only through my eyes.
Time and time again, I question my acts, I question my thoughts. Are they erroneous? How am I not being able to control these influx of feelings? Are they true feelings? Or is it all just friendly banter? Would things progress?
I have been throwing myself at the wrong 'right ones' one too many times. Hurt, either through my own proceedings or by cause of 'the right one'. As difficult as it may seem, I am truly glad that I've managed to pull through after all this time. But then again, would it be the simple fact that I've been deprived of the chances that would come prior to companionship? I strongly do not believe that I falter too fast, or choose the wrong people. Time and time again, circumstances have always been my arch-enemy. You search for the exact opportune moment, time it, go with it, chances are things always work out. Not in my scenario.
You know, my dear readers, the hardest part about it is that, I feel prohibited. After all that I've said and done, in many ways I've construed myself to a prison. People would always have to say and I would admit, that my expectations have hit the roof. It's never a trivial matter seeing someone you have feelings for come and go, you want to care for her, but you don't know if she would want that. 'Friendship' draws a thin line.
I would never know if I would be the eventual winner if I perservere through the times and be patient with this someone, having circumstance alongside, but I sincerely and honestly can only hope and have faith that the Good Lord grants me grace and the strength, and most crucial of all to have love generated for the right reasons. I'd pray these premeditated deliriums be not a part of me.
Listen to this:
1) John Mayer - Comfortable
2) Fuel - Falls On Me
3) Lenny Kravits - Again
4) Nada Surf - If You Leave
5) Ben Harper - Waiting On An Angel
You stay beautiful Kuching. Live your dreams.
Maybe it's a day in day out scenario, when you meet the person countless times, there it creates a particular comfort between the two persons. This progresses on to having thoughts about certain futures, the complicating part, having to picture the person in it, beautifully. Maybe it's a guy thing, I for one am not sure about how often these occurences happen around the world, but I feel as though I'd like to have the feeling reciprocated, and the worst part about it, is that I think it is. Actions on both parts takes me so eloquently to these thoughts, these futures seen only through my eyes.
Time and time again, I question my acts, I question my thoughts. Are they erroneous? How am I not being able to control these influx of feelings? Are they true feelings? Or is it all just friendly banter? Would things progress?
I have been throwing myself at the wrong 'right ones' one too many times. Hurt, either through my own proceedings or by cause of 'the right one'. As difficult as it may seem, I am truly glad that I've managed to pull through after all this time. But then again, would it be the simple fact that I've been deprived of the chances that would come prior to companionship? I strongly do not believe that I falter too fast, or choose the wrong people. Time and time again, circumstances have always been my arch-enemy. You search for the exact opportune moment, time it, go with it, chances are things always work out. Not in my scenario.
You know, my dear readers, the hardest part about it is that, I feel prohibited. After all that I've said and done, in many ways I've construed myself to a prison. People would always have to say and I would admit, that my expectations have hit the roof. It's never a trivial matter seeing someone you have feelings for come and go, you want to care for her, but you don't know if she would want that. 'Friendship' draws a thin line.
I would never know if I would be the eventual winner if I perservere through the times and be patient with this someone, having circumstance alongside, but I sincerely and honestly can only hope and have faith that the Good Lord grants me grace and the strength, and most crucial of all to have love generated for the right reasons. I'd pray these premeditated deliriums be not a part of me.
Listen to this:
1) John Mayer - Comfortable
2) Fuel - Falls On Me
3) Lenny Kravits - Again
4) Nada Surf - If You Leave
5) Ben Harper - Waiting On An Angel
You stay beautiful Kuching. Live your dreams.
posted by Captain Oats at 10:21 AM
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