Day 36 : Dominic's Tree Hill (Season 1 Finale)

My dearest babes,

When you said you've been waiting for time to heal, were you waiting just for time to pass or did you want for it to heal? The bitter past cannot just pass without you making an effort to forget. If you should make that effort let it be genuine and not an act of ignorance. You of all people should know, ignorance is NOT bliss.

Randomly I would get sms-es from you and maybe in your intentions they were to search for light. When you did so, you wanted a friend to bring you back to ground, I was probably the choice cause I was always there. And if a friend was what you wanted to be in the very very first place, why did you not draw the line when I first gave you the hint, to wait for my return? I would have and could have had been just a friend. Why did you hold my hand when 'Home' played over the PA? As much as it was amazing knowing that I'd receive a call and an sms of you suddenly, now that I know it was all because you needed someone to be there for you, it hurts just having those thoughts of how happy I'd be, how seeing your name appear on my phone just lights up my day. For those moments in time, I recalled how happiness with you feels like. That's probably one of the main reasons why I still love you, and how I always will. Though a glimpse; I cherish it till this day.

As much as it is difficult for you to forget him, it is the same for me. You say this life is meant for so much more, what life would you want; a life of happiness or a life of meaning? I know I'm choosing a life in preparation for the next happiness and meaning would not matter if I wasn't ready for the next. Despite countless efforts to tell me to forget 'us' ever happened, here I am still here for you. Is that not obvious enough? And I've always been, all you had to do / have to do is talk to me and tell me what's on your mind.

It's not that you don't know what you want. You know you want to move on, and when I came by it was the best opportunity for you to move on. Continued waiting for the right person to come by would not just happen that way if you just sit and wait and feel remorsed about the matter. Apart from suiting your plans, yours must suit his too. If it doesn't eventually you'll end up back at square one. Asking yourself, "What If" "If Only"

Healing is partly time, partly ourselves but the major part of healing comes from above; thus prayer that you'll refrain from the things you've set your mind on. Things you've told yourself 'I wouldn't do it anymore'.

Daryl once said to me, 'Bro, whatever, whoever, wherever your decisions are. We'll be here to pick up the broken pieces.'

The people that love me and support me and pick up my broken pieces will always be here cause He knows I am weak. I am no one if He hadn't place them in my life. I am not lucky to meet them, I am blessed because I have them. You too have such blessings it's whether you want to accept them or not. I'm coming to learn to accept them bit by bit. And I too make mistakes, sometimes baseless, at times based on wrong thoughts but most of the time letting the wrong side of me take control.

They come in many many forms, and sometimes they let you down and you'd feel discouraged, bitter, angry but what character would you have if you did not allow them to be in your life in the first place? If life on earth was full of happiness, I wouldn't want to live here, cause it will be too good to be true. I'd be in heaven by then. What point is there to happiness if you're not sad? You would not be able to enjoy it. What point is there to meaning if you've not felt useless? But there is a point if your character is tested, cause it will only get better once you realise it.

I love you and it has never changed. There has been, and will be others. But you'll always be here no matter what. The thing is will you ever come to live with it? That's another story to tell altogether.

I always thought I could make a change in this world and I saw myself making the changes through someone I would spend the rest of my life loving. She was you. It dawned on me recently, that being with you was not about changing you but accepting you as you are. If changes were to be made, they would have to be done together. Invalid would be the term if you did not want a part in that change. I've come to accept and live that now, FINALLY.

My apologies if i came out too forward with my thoughts. The main reason I'm doing this via blogging is not because I want publication to how things are, it's because you've got to decide on your own what you want. I don't want to be there when you decide for knowing you, it wouldn't be you deciding rather me. I pray and hope you make this change on your own and you will for it to happen. When you've done so, let me know. I'll be here.

Dominic.