Day 32 : Racing Heart. Shivering Body. Clouding Thoughts.

It's one of those nights, where dreams are thought to be perfect and to brought to life.
It's one of those nights, where you close your eyes knowing the person you long to see, the person you long to be with, is right next to you...safe and sound.

I came across this song by Naff - Masih Kekasihku. The chorus went;

'Jauh di lubuk hatiku,
Masih terukir namamu,
Jauh di dasar jiwaku,
Engkau masih kekasihku'

Translated it means;

'Deep within my heart,
Your name's engraved,
Deep within my soul,
You're still my love'

Recently I have been graced with the greatest of times, my mates around, and more importantly the moments I am allowed to enjoy life. It's perfect. But this heart still wants more. It's as though an endless pit draws anything and everything that comes near it. It feels as though nothing can quench it's thirst. And the only thing I open my eyes to is knowing when I fall asleep, it's there.

And then knowing I'll be seeing her again causes;
1) The Racing Heart.
2) The Shivering Body.
3) The Clouding Thoughts.

'Take it easy,' I'm told. I FUCKING can't.

It's this time round, this final moment I've been allowed to clear all there is to clear. The pressure's on. The thoughts are endless. The emotions wavering. The temptations linger. The heart beats for 1.

My track record when it comes to holding true, has been tarnished and tainted by my bitter past. I can't have any regrets that I know, but one thing for sure, I wouldn't have done the things or said the words and not meant even one of them. For I know now the peril, and torment of being in love. To have someone change her msn address just to avoid you and you still fucking know that the person you want to be with the most is her; leaves me speechless. No words can ever describe the feelings of such. No words can come close to how the suffering taunts negativity.

I've kept it locked away by turning to the constant, work. It has come back time after time...

I don't know the repercussions of things to come, nor would I have the SOLID game plan. All I know is that if I don't get this out of the way, they'll be more posts similar to this.

........................to be continued

Listen to this:
1) Naff - Masih Kekasihku
2) Playground - Soul Mate
3) Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland - Say It Right
4) Beyonce - Irreplaceable
5) The All American Rejects - It Ends Tonight

Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.