Day 9 : Self Anonymity
'To be anyone but yourself,
in a world that's doing it's best day and night ,
to make you anyone else
means fighting the hardest battle'
- John Steinbeck -
Here I stand present before all I love, all I cherish. To tell you that I don't feel pressured in the midst of your companionship means that I'd be lying not only to myself but also to you, my dear Captains. Pressured that I might one day experience what you already have, what I should have. One day is what they have always said, some day.
It is also in your midst I find myself. I have shared everything with you. Bared my soul and even if I had to bleed, my blood will be the first to spill. In a very similar sense, this scenario provides for me the 'Roots and Wings' dilemma that I constantly have to deal with. It has been beautiful, and most certainly at every other point I am certain it will be, if not better. Just know that day and night I am battling to maintain myself, my composure and all of me, in love for the Family and in likeness of myself.
I do ask for your forgiveness that at times, it seems I may lose the right pursuants but be assured that my path will return to its authenticity and if it doesn't then it will be for the brighter of days and I ensure you my ramifications will be justified accordingly. It is through the benevolence and patience of the Family that God has so graciously put in my life that I am able to climb up and out of the abyss I throw myself so constantly into. The stupor state is removed, the ambiguity cleared, the love shone, the scintillating pride felt.
My scandalous repartee of choices have been sickening. For all those I've let down, I pray and hope you are not in ambivalence of my character. I thank you for being around, I thank you for accepting my defaults, and the defaults I might have along the way. I am proud to be part of your lives and I say this here and now, my position on the Family was, is and will always be adamant on growth, heart, brotherhood, loyalty, trust and above all else God.
Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva La Familia!
Listen to this:
1) Trent Dabbs - True Love Goes
2) Chris Holmes - Chine
3) Damien Rice - Delicate
4) The Corrs & Alejandro Sanz - The Hardest Day
5) Bell X1 - Eve, The Apple of My Eye
Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.
in a world that's doing it's best day and night ,
to make you anyone else
means fighting the hardest battle'
- John Steinbeck -
Here I stand present before all I love, all I cherish. To tell you that I don't feel pressured in the midst of your companionship means that I'd be lying not only to myself but also to you, my dear Captains. Pressured that I might one day experience what you already have, what I should have. One day is what they have always said, some day.
It is also in your midst I find myself. I have shared everything with you. Bared my soul and even if I had to bleed, my blood will be the first to spill. In a very similar sense, this scenario provides for me the 'Roots and Wings' dilemma that I constantly have to deal with. It has been beautiful, and most certainly at every other point I am certain it will be, if not better. Just know that day and night I am battling to maintain myself, my composure and all of me, in love for the Family and in likeness of myself.
I do ask for your forgiveness that at times, it seems I may lose the right pursuants but be assured that my path will return to its authenticity and if it doesn't then it will be for the brighter of days and I ensure you my ramifications will be justified accordingly. It is through the benevolence and patience of the Family that God has so graciously put in my life that I am able to climb up and out of the abyss I throw myself so constantly into. The stupor state is removed, the ambiguity cleared, the love shone, the scintillating pride felt.
My scandalous repartee of choices have been sickening. For all those I've let down, I pray and hope you are not in ambivalence of my character. I thank you for being around, I thank you for accepting my defaults, and the defaults I might have along the way. I am proud to be part of your lives and I say this here and now, my position on the Family was, is and will always be adamant on growth, heart, brotherhood, loyalty, trust and above all else God.
Viva! Viva! Viva! Viva La Familia!
Listen to this:
1) Trent Dabbs - True Love Goes
2) Chris Holmes - Chine
3) Damien Rice - Delicate
4) The Corrs & Alejandro Sanz - The Hardest Day
5) Bell X1 - Eve, The Apple of My Eye
Stay beautiful Kuching. Live every dream.
posted by Captain Oats at 4:27 AM
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